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Saturday, January 31, 2015


Brail for you to read

You don’t have to try
To skinny yourself
Up or rather down to size
Making yourself invisible
To their eyes this time
I know you have past times
And I understand how they hurt
Never do you have
To feel that way again
Just for once Be right sized
But what does that mean Anyway
You don’t have to try
Any longer
Just have to fit those genes
You were born with A double helix you
Have to contend with
This time go for broke
Because in some ways You are broken
Heal up some
And let those cracks close of their Own accord
Making their healed ridges
Like some kind of wicked brail
Each line a story in suffering
And triumph laid out there
For all to feel
Get your hands in there
You don’t have to do it all alone
Just humble yourself a bit and ask, just ask
And you might just find that everyone
Has their own storied brail for you to read

Chris Mcqueeney    1/31/15    2:07 P.M.

Thursday, January 29, 2015


I find

I find
What do I find in this
place me in front 
of the line
maybe there I will find
that this love
is meant to be
or not
at least I will be 
In the front of your line
or so I hope
from here I have a good 

Chris McQueeney

Tuesday, January 27, 2015


We will try

If wishes were wings
I would fly from here
If wishes were wheels
I would role from this place
But they are not
Wishes are empty promises
Leaving one to wander
from place to place
Never finding that one true path
Just on the off chance
That wishes would fly
And wheels would role
Down that country lane
On down that country lane
Like on the commercials
Just on the off chance  
We will try for it
One more time
We will try

Chris McQueeney    1/22/15 

left of center


Tracing the sketch that
Is my life
We find arterial pathways
Love is the word of the day
Is that lifeline we are searching for
Searching night and day we
Will find it
Opaque is the color of your love
Sending me off with different emotions
And different goals
Do I really see you
Or is it just a reflection of a memory
Holding me hostage one more time
Carousing through all the pit stops
Pulling every corner up
to look at my underside

Chris McQueeney 1/26/15

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Wanted to scream

Saw my mother today
She is dying
And I had no idea what to say
What do you say to a dying person
That skin color goes great with your eyes
Sounds stupid now that it is out there
Hi mom I think I stammered out
How are you doing
I’m dying she didn’t say
No how no way
But I looked at her close
And it all screamed at me
I couldn’t shed any tears
Had to keep up appearances
Isn’t that fucked
My mom is dying
I had to keep up appearances
She sat there
Looking so frail and I wanted to scream
Mom you are killing your self
We all already know it
Clear as crystal to me
Clear as mud
It is clear as mud to me
How she can go on pretending
Maybe that gives her comfort
Keeping up the pretense that life goes on
With or without her

Chris McQueeney    1/25/15

My mom and I have had a strained relationship for some time now. There was no way I could maintain my sanity helping her live in her fairytale. My sister and I went to visit her today. My mother looked like a bag of bones covered with skin…she is dying and I didn’t know what to say. She kept saying that she was all right. I wanted to scream at her, no you are not all right you are fucking dying, you are killing yourself. But I didn’t. I had to be an adult. I didn’t cry till just now. I want to fix it and I can’t. I want to scream at her that she needed to eat, that her not eating was killing her. I didn’t do that because it would have done no good. My mom has always lived in her own truths, and those truths are that she is just fine and not dying and that everyone should stop worrying. So I told her that I love her and then left. Today was probably the last day I will ever see my mother and it is killing me a bit inside..............................

Saturday, January 24, 2015

To see

If I could

If I could I would
take those tears
offered up so freely
and replace them 
with joy for all
to see
so for a while 
you would see
not the pain
Only the goodness in things
but I can only 
offer up a shoulder
to cry upon
for joy is not mine to give
for you have to live
your own life
on this planet

Chris McQueeney   1/2015

Thursday, January 22, 2015

number two

Gentle ministrations

I leave my remains here
To your gentle ministrations
Can you find it within
Your heart of hearts 
Blend me in 
Like any other crumb
Find me a place to rest
To be forever in your sphere 
Of influence 
Or will you leave me
To while away the time
In idle destitution 
Will you at least
Find me a place to lay

Wander    1/22/15

Toothfull smile

To rot went the plan

The years preyed upon me
Leaving only debris in their wake
It appeared as if they wandered
Willy nilly
But there was a design
It takes a jaded heart to see the
Truth of the path taken
What seemed random chance
Was actually the plan
Not my plan, to rot went my plan
I would live the life of ease
If I could
Would you were you in my place
Go forth into the sands of the years with your
Head held high
Head held high
For all the world to see
And judge
Yesss to judge the ravages that time left in its wake

Chris McQueeney   12/12/14

M this is thursday and in four days I am getting my teeth pulled, nine of them. The oral surgeon will be ravaging my mouth for about an hour. Then I am getting false teeth  on my uppers. I am not looking forward to the pain, nor am I liking the fact that I am getting knocked out for the affair. I have a fear of being sedated like that. the fear is that I wont wake from the procedure. But I have all sorts of doomsday fears like that one...every time I get into a car I have the fear that I will get into an accident and will die. Those fears are a byproduct of the brain damage I got when I was injured on the job. I never had fears as strong or as pervasive before getting crippled on the job. But enough of all that, I am getting necessary work done. I will be able to eat real food again. Raw vegetables have been beyond me for some time and other foods have been so painful that I haven't even been willing to try them for some time now. I wish I didn't need this work done, but since I do I will go about it with my head held high and soon to be toothfull smile on my face.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015


Tracing the sketch that
Is my life
We find arterial pathways
Love is the word of the day
Love Is 
that lifeline we are searching for
Searching night and day we
Will find it


Chris McQueeney    1/21/15

Monday, January 19, 2015



Beautiful sunshine
Rays dripping like dew
Striking their intensity
Like an early morn
I wake to you looking at
My face bathed in light
You left me broken
And battered
Beaten and torn
My dreams were tattered
You took my life
I am battered and shorn
But the sun will come up
Maybe on some other day
It will shine upon those places
It will shine again

Chris McQueeney    1/19/15

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Double barreled road rage

Iron and Steel

Double barreled road rage
I sit shot gunned
In your four four two
Blasting our way
Into your lane
We ride
With Iron and steel At
our side
Best be getting
Out the way
He says
With a grin
He punches the center
Slams the stick
Then puts petal to metal
Double barreled road rage
Best be getting
The fuck out the way

Chris McQueeney 11/3/04

Friday, January 16, 2015

Shades of black

Shades of black

She had thirteen degrees of night in her smile
Her eyes were polished shades of black glass
You move on the darkened wings of her smile
Day turns to night with a wave of her hand
And night is a blessing to you and her tender

Caress her smile with your thoughts fully

Chris McQueeney    1/16/15

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Good day to you


From me
From it
With me
From this side of things
To anywhere not here
Not stuck
You are
Not stuck
We are
Not stuck
At all
We can go anywhere we choose
But that is the clincher
We have to choose
Where to go
Who to be
When we
Get to
When we
Go there
When we
Choose what
What we are going to do
And it is we
We are going to do this together
For good or bad
In the end you and I

Chris McQueeney    1/14/15

Had a good day today...good enough to say have a good day, or good day to you.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Tune in

Turn the music
Tune the world out
Feel it
If it aint loud
Its broken
Turn the music
Tune the world out
For a moment
Or an hour
Feel the base
Treble through your
Turn the music
Tune the world out

Chris McQueeney    10/8/14

I got a call today from Social Security. They just wanted to verify a few things about me before they got my settlement processed...I havnt worked in two and a half years so this has been something I have worked towards for about a year and a half. I have in that time been homeless, destitute, and hopeless. I was drunk, now I am sober...a lot has changed over the last year, if you have followed my writing you have got a taste of this, but not the full shebang..... 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Dear John

Elastic stretch

Line by line 
you find that inner place
of mine
and you sure know how
to break me
up and down 
in and out
you take me from ecstatic
to elastic stretching to break
snap crackle and pop
you stop me dead in my
be friends?
you got to be fucking kidding
I'll have you 
or no one else will
how do you like that

Chris McQueeney    12:12 P.M.   1/11/2015

This was penned in response to a Poem by Christopher at View from the northern wall, or better yet penned from the ideas that his post generated. Give him a look see....................

Friday, January 9, 2015

Home on the range

Taking up space


that's where I be
on this chilled afternoon
something has got to break
for me soon
can only ride so far
when you got nowhere to be
is not a place to envy
me here you there
tell me 
what do you see
a person
or just something taking up space

Wander     1/9/15


Human as human

I loved you more than anyone
Why did you have to go
And leave me behind
I miss you
More than I can put to words
Times were less complicated
They were easier
Why did you have to go
At times I cry
And mourn you
Last year I got drunk to your
And I got drunk
At you
How could you leave so soon
You didn’t get to see
Them or me grow to be
Human just human as
You wanted me to be

Chris McQueeney    1/1/15

Got some news yesterday that I was approved for housing at a place that I had applied for. This is huge news that followed some other huge claim for Social Security was also approved. I have been living off of nothing for so long that I almost dont know how to handle the news, almost! I am so stoked by the news. Also I am going to be able to have my children come stay with me, hell yeah! good news on top of good news, I like........

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Keeps the noise down

All dead

He said
It’s all right
They are all dead
And buried
Out back you want
To have a look see
Just like I said
They are in the ground
All dead
No need to fear
They are gone
Not here
The only thing left behind
Are ghosts and spirits
Pay them no mind
They don’t make much of a fuss
But still
Say hello 
to them
Before you go
Keeps the noise down

Chris McQueeney    1/8/15

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

depend on it

Chafing under the collar

Tooth and nail
I fought winning
As if being a loser
Was a badge of honor
To show off to my friends
I try to think back
But black and white
Pale in comparison
To the full color copies
Available now just about anywhere
Tooth and nail
I fought winning
As if my life depended upon it
And it may
You might say
Depend on it

Chris McQueeney    1/6/15

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

At a loss for words

Clarion call

We take all sorts around here
Not one for the usual normally
We like um twisted sideways
The more sideways you are
The more credibility you have
So with this clarion call you need
But to answer before time runs out
We are generous to those that qualify
But hard on those less qualified
You’ll see we need and want you around
You will find your place among us
Finding it a pleasant experience or two
But not to discourage you before you
Take that step with no hope of return
For we are a lifetime fraternity and we deal
Deserters with a very heavy hand

Chris McQueeney    11/22/14

My friend passed away on Sunday. I had not seen him in months. I guess after eight years of sobriety he got tired of fighting the demons, so he drank. He drank for one night; that is all it took, one night. After his night of drinking he layed down in his bed...the next morning his son found him and he wasn't breathing...he officially died on Sunday. In AA they talk a lot about working the steps, and being vigilant about our disease. I know that Rod had found a substitute for drinking in his life, but he wasn't able to keep the simple truth that is readily apparent to someone with an outside perspective, Alcohol for an alcoholic is a death sentence. I don't blame Rod for his death, he was an alcoholic and as such he was not in control where alcohol is concerned. The sad thing is that Alcoholism is something that he will be remembered for, a cautionary example to use with newcomer and seasoned veteran alike. Don't drink or you might just die like Rod did! used like a bed time tale to frighten proper behavior out of the listener. I will however remember Rod for the good that he had in him. When I was back to the drinking and fully in my disease Rod would come over to my home and talk to me...and he was not judgmental of my disease, I think because he had compassion for a drunk, hope to die alcoholic. I am at a loss for words when it comes to my own grief. And I was just a friend, his family must be stricken. We lost a good man sunday, and I am at a loss for words......

Sunday, January 4, 2015

A friend


You left an indelible mark
Upon me
Like a Rubik’s cube
Your Visage is square
Off center
All angles and corners
None but the most
Worthy of worthies
Can lay claim
To even a moment
Of your time

Chris McQueeney    1/4/15

I am a bit, no, I am a lot sad today. The disease of alcoholism has struck again. A friend with eight years sober decided to drink over new years and now is n a coma and they don't expect him to survive...It doesn't always take years and years to kill you; sometimes it only takes a night. Really it is fucked because when I was drinking he came over to my place and didn't treat me like a lepper.........God bless you Rod!

Saturday, January 3, 2015

The kid

You left me

In the lurch
What the fuck
Is up with that
You left me
Left me to my own
Left me to find my
Own way
In this circus

I knelt before your alter
And put up my offering
For you to take or leave
And you left
Left me broke
Battered and bruised
Sitting in my own skin
Feeling used
What the fuck
Is up with that
Again I ask
Why did you leave
Was I wrong
To think that you
Had intent
In your actions
Speaking volumes
Towards this situation

You had intent in your actions
And you left me
To sit here
But healing

Chris McQueeney    1/1/15

With my kids son has had kind of a rough day. That is ok he will get over it......

Friday, January 2, 2015

Took a day off

First round

What the fuck can I do
With it anyways
You already said no to me
In a while I will try again
Tempting you with my self
Will you be gentle
With my lines
Or will you be rough
Ruffling my feathers with your
Intense gaze along linier paths
Will you find me offensive
Bating you on your last nerve
Or with you can I stay whole
Launching a new path
New Year like
Will you be fair to my colors
Or better yet will you
Just walk with me a while
To get everything in prospective
Before you try me on for size
Maybe I am a fit on the first try
May I be a fit companion
Fit enough to at least make it
Past the first round

Chris McQueeney    1/2/15