I walked from the small patients room with fury.
I made it to the stairway before I couldn't go any further
I started balling...it took everything I had not to scream, to not rage. I invested every emotional cent I had left on that appt...
Two days later I said"something went wrong..."
" I know, we barely touched it." He said.
"I'm alive" I said as we both looked at the mostly full half gallon of gin.
Two days before the Dr that I had invested so much emotional coin on informed me that he was contractually bound by S.A.I.F. (the insurer) not to tell me what his findings were and not to give me any advice. "My hands are tied." Said the Dr.
I was injured on the job, through no fault of my own...and my life has been destroyed. I love my family and friends, love life and writing, but the only thing that has kept me going are my children...and when I left that fucking dr's office even that wasn't enough.
Souls Blood
Whole again
The way I was before
They took the pin Out of the wheel
And the spokes fell off
Broken and torn tattered and beaten
On the ground you'll find me bleeding
My soul’s blood out
Needing the world to be
A gentle place If but for a day
Knowing that one more Pain will take away
My need to keep breathing for real
On this hill I climb
It is the one on which you’ll find me
Making a final stand this once I choose
I will upright fight from
The top...
This is the hill worth
Dying on
Chris McQueeney
I wrote that piece in Aug of last year...June almost a year later and my physical life is the same
At a loss
Are we disgruntled today
are we gasping
and wheezing at a loss
for breath
cursing and ruing the day
the gas took our
life away
but did not cause
our death
Chris McQueeney 9/9/12 10:03P.M.
please look into the workman's compensation laws in your state and see if they are even beneficial to the worker...Oregon's are not. Today I am angry, and I am intent on going after them...but anger only lasts so long.
please look into the workman's compensation laws in your state and see if they are even beneficial to the worker...Oregon's are not. Today I am angry, and I am intent on going after them...but anger only lasts so long.
6 comments:
ugh man. i am sorry for the continued health issues...and the struggle just to survive...keep the power on...makes me shake my head at our system...
Chris, keep fighting...for you and those coming behind. At the very least it fuels your writing which is so important to you. I would lend you my will if I had any to spare, but you know we are similar in that we need it just to get out of bed, and throughout the day it can become a small and unfamiliar shadow we just want to shake off so we can hide under a rock. But we don't. We keep fighting.
Hugs
It is a screwed up system. Do you have an attorney? Does your state settle wc claims? Do you have your own family doctor? Do you have your own doctor treating your injury? These are all questions where the answers may ease the screwups. And, does your state offer voc rehab assistance (it does). And does the wc insurer offer voc rehab assistance?
I'm sorry for this mess, Chris. I've seen it many times and I know it's infuriating and crazy. I also know it usually ends and life returns. Hang in, my friend
Love
kj
So sorry to hear you're still struggling with your health.
The workman's comp system stinks. I experienced Virginia's first hand when my ex was hurt in an explosion at his job. They didn't want to pay.
Hugs, my friend. I hope your words bring change.
"Two days before the Dr that I had invested so much emotional coin on informed me that he was contractually bound by S.A.I.F. (the insurer) not to tell me what his findings were and not to give me any advice."
So what does this make you in the eyes of SAIF? Not someone deserving of respect, or even compassion, I shouldn't think. Otherwise, why would they forbid the doctor to whom you entrusted your body to tell you what's going on?
I've dealt with a fair amount of pain and a smaller amount of disability for several years now, and, for what little it might be worth, I would say that the early part of my ordeal was the worst because that's when my fear was at its greatest.
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