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Friday, August 8, 2014

rough spot

I stayed alive for my children. They were the only thing that kept me teathered to this plannet after my accident. Keeping this mortal coil wound was not an easy thing; took some sacrificing that I will probably never get over. But i will say all of it was worth it when I get to see my children.
I just spent the day with Chase and Karley and had to say good by to them...I fucking hate that part, good by! Took two plus hours of bus riding to get to them and as I got back on the bus for the second leg of the return ride I thought to myself that I need an AA meeting. Just then an older man got on the bus and he smelled the same as a freshly opened beer. Smelled like peace.
It has been over six months since my last drink. I am an alcoholic. That man smelled of peace and comfort, an easment of pain. I need an AA meeting. In reality that smell is just the biproduct of a drunk and offers false hope. Drinking again is not what scares me, rather trying to quit again scares me pissless.
At one point I drank to stay alive. Now that time has passed and I don't need booze to live. Just another day as they say. Even though it is rough right now it will get better...I got to see my children today. The world is good!

Chris 

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

So true, Love you brother! Xo

Brian Miller said...

i am glad you got to see the kids today...and that you are sober as well...go find you a meeting, that way you have the support in the tough times....

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

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P.S.: I hope you are still with us. Although, I can certainly understand why you would want to end your prison sentence in this world as soon as possible--be assured. For I have had to endure a very debilitating illness for the last 21 years, and if it was not for knowing, which goes far beyond merely believing, that taking my own life would be the worst possible thing I could do, I would do it.

Shadow said...

Hey, I'm Shadow, I'm an alcoholic too. It took time, more time that I thought I had in me, to become alive again. You will too, hang in there.