Guest Post by Ben Ditmars

Hello, this is Ben Ditty of Nice Old Spice. Chris has graciously allowed me to guest post for my upcoming book promotion. Ten Minutes in Heaven, my collection of short plays, will be free Monday on Kindle. So, let's get this party started!

How many of you like funny sketches? Show of hands!

Did I see one? In the back? No? Well, my book has quite a few of them. I call them ten minute plays and boy are they fun. I have one where Satan climbs aboard Noah's ark and goes after him Last Temptation style. Not religious? I also have one about sex. And another about murder. See, what I'm doing here, with the broad themes?

I can be more specific too. In Jumper, Edgar Allen Poe and Vincent Van Gogh try to talk a college freshman out of suicide. He cheated on his girlfriend and felt his life was over. It's amazing what dead artists can do for your self esteem.

Of, course, there's also the actors from the Wizard of Oz. I based a play off a drawing that appeared in a paper after the last of the four main characters died. It's a more serious departure. But, I think you'll like it! So, stop by Kindle Monday, even if you don't have one. You can read it on apps for your PC and smart phone.

update

I have been living in a state of fear for the last ten weeks. I have to think about everything I do before I do it...is this going to be the thing that sets me off? I have lived in a opiate daze, feeling nauseous constantly, because without it I end up in the emergency room. Up until my last trip to the emergency room I have taken a fairly passive approach to my treatment; I have assumed that the doctors would look after my better interest. I was wrong to do so.

It seems to me that up until now the only doctors that have even paid attention to what I am actually going through are the ones at the emergency room. I have to say thank you to them as well.

 Thank you doctors and staff at Providence Willamette Falls Hospital Emergency room!

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my primary care doctor...We will see where it goes from there. 

Just to set your minds at ease I am not dying, in no danger of dying from this any time soon. I am just very uncomfortable...but again, such is life.


Chris

Just some micro fiction

I lost my soul in that field of gold

The fields were golden that day; almost painful to look at because of how bright they were.

The beauty of the field closest to the road was marred by the orange machine idling away in the summer sun, and by the red and blue flashing lights. Yellow caution tape boldly struck with the words CRIME SCENE set a perimeter slightly smaller than a baseball diamond around a very large hole in the golden field of wheat. Lining the bottom of the hole like the spikes in some sick bear trap were body parts...

"I just knew this was going to happen someday," the rough edge to his voice at odds with his slick exterior, "you are going to end up stripped and left in a field to rot if you tell your tall tales to the wrong CAT. What a fricking waste!" Towards the end his words were barely decipherable...

Lighting McQueen looked down on what was left of his best friend...Mater, you know, like tamater, without the ta...jutting out of the hole.

............................................................

R.I.P 

Mater

Chris McQueeney    9/22/12   

Thursday thought

is a feather

Death is a feather

Compared to the mountain size

Life happening here

is a feather big

When compared to a mountain

You tell me, is it

While you ponder that

Think on how others may view

What you think is big

Chris McQueeney    9/20/12    6:25 P.M.

What happens when a gnome gets down?

I’m occupied

All’s I wanted

Was some private time

To think about that little lady’s

Sweet behind

Got into a right nice groove

She’s so hot

I’ll explode if I move

Close the fucking door!

Can’t you see…

I’m occupied

Chris McQueeney    9/17/12    9:26 P.M.

It isn't often that I am moved to humor when I write poetry, If you feel slightly violated and offended...good that works for me  ;-)