Walking the edge of the world
Cloths wet from rain
Muscles screaming their fatigue
No safe place to lie
Rictus grin screaming Why!
Why shouldn’t I jump?
I had been homeless for some time and I was running out of safe places to hole up. I had been breaking into peoples garages during the day to have a place to lie down out of the weather, summer was over. The few places that were undercover that I had gone to during the times at night when I would try to sleep had started to be watched by the police.
The drugs weren’t working, I couldn’t stay awake anymore. Not surprising I had been awake for over a week. I needed to find a place to sleep. First place I tried was this little park across from the library; it had a bathroom with a covered patio. It was raining so hard and I was grateful that it was covered. Finally, a covered place to lie! I closed my eyes and I tried to get to sleep but I kept hearing someone whispering. Consuming a large amount of speed over an extended length of time can cause paranoia and hallucinations. I started becoming convinced that the people living next to the park were watching me…so no sleep there.
By that time the rain had let up so I shuffled over to the Catholic Church, they had a park bench that you couldn’t see from the road. I got to the spot and found that the bench wasn’t too wet and that it was blocked from most of the wind. Getting comfortable was difficult but I did and was almost asleep when the sky opened up. Everything got soaked, my cloths, and my sleeping bag. I couldn’t stay there so I moved on.
I don’t understand the logic that led me to the bluff but I soon found myself wandering up and down the path. My body hurt so much. I kept walking through spider webs, whether they were there or not I am not sure. Feeling spiders crawling all over me was fucking creepy.