The first

You say

You say it is a

Choice

I say rather

It’s a war waging in my

Soul

It started before I was born

And it never grows old

Never lets up

Never let’s go

Chris McQueeney    1/22/13    10:29 P.M.

The first drink is the foundation of an alcoholic’s life. The first drink has the power to kill. And the sad thing is that the drunk has no more choice in the matter than you do in the matter of breathing. The first drink, without intervention from the outside at the perfect time, will happen.

 I spent years feeling guilty and shameful for that first drink. I would place all these walls up to protect myself, but the first drink would eventually blow through those walls like a tornado through tooth picks. And the people in my life would look at me with disgust.

If you want to help an alcoholic, maybe be the only thing between them and a very ugly death, let them know inside that they can trust you, that you are safe. Alcoholism is fear and compulsion…and people treat you like shit for being ill.

I never had a choice in the matter. There have been periods of time where I have been blessed with not taking that first drink, but don’t think for one moment that it was because I had any choice in the matter. Choice implies capability, and in regards to alcohol the alcoholic has not that capacity.

This will be linked up to dVerse poets pub for their open link night.

So tight

Remember holding my hand

So tight

As if afraid of

Letting go

Finger tips red

Knuckles white

My hand can still feel

The tingle

The blood rushing back

All these years later

You were right

I should never have let go

Chris McQueeney    1/20/13    11:24 P.M.

The Mag is a place to go on Sundays for Poetry and inspiration 

Shameless

Nothing matters

Rain like words

Drip drop…pitter patter…plunk

Everything’s fine, and Nothing matters

Shit

Nothing is not fine

She met Everything, and

Everything matters to Nothing…

Shit

What a convoluted mess

Chris McQueeney    1/17/13    12:23 P.M.

I watched the entire season 2 of the Showtime cable series Shameless yesterday. What a fucking brilliant show! I am not going to go into detail about the show except for a bit from episode 10. Thanksgiving has come to the Gallagher household, and the entire family (minus the character Lip) is sitting around the table. Shortly after dinner is served Monica  the absentee mother that has showed back up, leaves the table and proceeds to slit her wrists in the kitchen…everyone sees, even the young children.

Flash through all that ensues to the end of that episode. The oldest daughter is going to bed, and the youngest daughter goes to her room to seek comfort. The young girl breaks down and starts bawling. I can’t say that I have ever seen an actor portray the level of despair that I saw from that young girl. Just thinking about it is enough to draw tears.

At times watching Shameless I see some serious parallels to my life. That is what hits the hardest about the show, if you have never lived the type of life that they portray you would think it was just not possible, when those parts that I have personally lived hit it’s kinda like a sledgehammer to the gut.

Just a Tuesday

Have I

Oh what a poor

And shallow

Soul

Would I have

If

For an instant

The tiniest of moments

Were I to forget

How awfully lovely

The smiles only

My Children

Can make

Oh what a poor

And shallow

Soul

Have I

Have I

Chris McQueeney    1/15/13    1:35 P.M.

http://dversepoets.com/

Arms open, chin up, smiles for the new year ahead :-)

Wounded Soldier

A soldier

Wounded in a war

No one else can see

Coming to in a phone booth

“Please help me”

“Love you son

But you can’t stay”

“You don’t understand

Never again

I’m done today”

“I love you son,”

Tears rolled down his face

“But you just can’t stay”

A soldier

Wounded in a war

No one else believed to be

“Why did you do that”

Screamed at from above

“Don’t know”

Was all I could say

“That’s not good enough

Fucking baby

You make me sick

Answer me!”

Children

In lives too big

Wounded in Wars

Of fear and misery

So many lives held ungentle

Wounded little soldiers

Living on battlefields

Many choose to not see

Was a soldier

Wounded

In a war

How could it not affect me

Chris McQueeney    1/2/13    1:30 A.M.

Welcome to twenty thirteen! A new year has arrived, and I welcome it with open arms and some hope that life will be a tad bit gentler to me. 2012 brought the loss of some good friends, and a family member. I almost died from a work related injury, got to get well acquainted with the ER Dr's at the local hospital, and got one fun filled ambulance ride. But most of all it brought me some very special gifts. I got the opportunity to build some friendships with people in the writing world, some casual, and some very close. 

I would like to say a very big ThankYou to some of those that helped me through a very rough year.

My family...

Grandma Marie and Red, Jenny and Jason, Vivian and Ben, Aunt Nancy and Allan, Shannon...I love you guys and am Blessed to have you in my life. 

Shiloh, my best friend, I love you man. Thank you for saving my ass, and for being a good man.

Christopher, my closest and most trusted friend and mentor.

My friends from the blog world...each one of you has a special place in my heart...Ben Ditty from Old Spice Is Nice. Annie from Quiet Commotion, Amy from She writes, Brian from WeighstationOne, Kj from Options For a better life, Lisa from girljustami, Shannon from Green Monkey Tales, Heather from Ink Runs From The Corners of My Mouth, Nadja from NADJA NOTARINI: an author's adventures, and Mary from Writing in the Bachs.

And My writing Friends that are on facebook...Amber Norrgard, Charity Parkerson, Dionne Lister, Melissa Craig, Justin Bogdanovitch, Cinta Garcia, Grace BecomesBeauty, Maggy May, Sage Ravenwood, Solange Nicole, Susie Clevenger.

And to My Brother Wally Sanchez and his family...miss you man!

Greatest of all, my children: Chase, my Sun (Gipper), and Karley, my moon(Kar-Kar).

With gifts like those I am blessed.

This is being linked up to dVerse Poetry Pub's Open Link Night. I thoroughly enjoy participating with dVerse...the talent and open armed approach they take on feels like a missing piece of life...check them out.