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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The first


You say

You say it is a
Choice
I say rather
It’s a war waging in my
Soul
It started before I was born
And it never grows old
Never lets up
Never let’s go

Chris McQueeney    1/22/13    10:29 P.M.


The first drink is the foundation of an alcoholic’s life. The first drink has the power to kill. And the sad thing is that the drunk has no more choice in the matter than you do in the matter of breathing. The first drink, without intervention from the outside at the perfect time, will happen.
 I spent years feeling guilty and shameful for that first drink. I would place all these walls up to protect myself, but the first drink would eventually blow through those walls like a tornado through tooth picks. And the people in my life would look at me with disgust.
If you want to help an alcoholic, maybe be the only thing between them and a very ugly death, let them know inside that they can trust you, that you are safe. Alcoholism is fear and compulsion…and people treat you like shit for being ill.
I never had a choice in the matter. There have been periods of time where I have been blessed with not taking that first drink, but don’t think for one moment that it was because I had any choice in the matter. Choice implies capability, and in regards to alcohol the alcoholic has not that capacity.




This will be linked up to dVerse poets pub for their open link night.

19 comments:

Claudia said...

my father used to drink and what you write sounds very familiar...it's tough...for the person who drinks and for the people around him as well.. thanks for sharing this with such honesty..

Brian Miller said...

i feel you man...its a hard impulse to fight at times...and once you jump the cliff its a far fall when you do...thank goodness for those around us to help us through those choices....

Fifafan said...

this is amazing. I have family members with this disease, and it is a struggle. If the choice is to fight it, then my support is full and strong! If the choice is to give in, then I will try change your mind. Best piece I've read for a long time!

Wander said...

The family also gets the shit end of the stick...what a nightmare the disease is

Yiota Luyu Ladybird said...

Its always hard to fight this, especially when you dont have support. I am touched by the truth of your words. Great piece.

Alex Dissing said...

Alcoholism runs rampant in both sides of my family, so these words deeply resonated with me. You're right, it is a war. But we have the choice not to participate in the fight. I just recently came to this conclusion, & I'm sure glad I did. Good luck to you.

awakenedwords said...

Powerful, well done.

ayala said...

Powerful and honest. Thank you for sharing.

Wine and Words said...

Reminds me a lot of that quote I love: "If you ask a fish to climb a tree it will spend the rest of it's life feeling stupid and incapable." I think that's how it goes. Anyway, you get the drift....

I am spending some time with an alcoholic friend. Your advice is taken to heart. Be someone they can trust, and don't judge!

mrs mediocrity said...

my grandfather was an alcoholic, consequently, my mom has never taken that first drink, she is too afraid to find out if she has that choice.
this was powerful, great impact in just a few words.

Ben Ditty said...

Our society makes alcohol far too accessible.

Gretchen Leary said...

Thank-you for being so real. It's inspiring. You're stronger than you know. I know of similar internal wars we face with "me, myself, and I" and it is so hard to have others give advice when they aren't the ones on the front line.

Wander said...

Albert Einstein

Kelvin S.M. said...

...once you get into something you choose to do or take and you fell deeply to it... it's really tough to go out anymore... but then leaving is another choice to make... you can make it happen if you really want to... smiles...

Apryl Gonzales Sweet said...

Tough choices, but I feel you, I have had those same questions. Is it in my DNA? Are some of us simply more susceptible to addiction? You captured this internal battle well, thanks!

lori mcclure said...

I used to really fear alcohol knowing my grandfather and uncle were under its spell. I'm thankful I've not been tormented by it like they were, but I've seen the light go out in eyes that were once bright. I don't envy your fight :(

Carrie Burtt said...

Chris this is such a powerful post....that everyone should read....I am the mother of a struggling and recoverying drug addict alcoholic.....it has been such a painful process, and in so many ways I nearly killed him myself....helping when I should have let him fall.....it is a tormenting thing for a mother, but it has made me completely compassionate on any one any where that has this kind of a struggle. God bless you Chris....God bless you!! :-)

Ella said...

Wow, Chris this is powerful and filled with raw emotion. I thought I had escaped it, but my Dad died and my Mom started drinking. It is a terrible disease that locks its jaws and ingest some people whole. I am sorry you know this...(((hugs)))

She Writes said...

Powerful piece. A perspective we who are not addicted don't often hear.