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Friday, June 17, 2011

With love, your sun.

A bargain struck, 6/17/11

I said I love you
He said good bye
Walked out the door
Until that day he had been
On borrowed time
A deal had been made
A bargain struck
The one in need had been saved
Under the oak
He went home

My father had been many things in his life: a thug, husband three times over, a father four times over, brother, son, grandfather, drunk, sponsor, friend, and human. Dad drew the short straw in life in life, but through some kind of miracle he was able to stretch it out for sixteen additional years. My father was many things, wore many hats, but to me he was larger than life.
                The day dad died is imprinted in my memory, burned into stone. Even though he passed at forty seven he lived ten lifetimes.  With Father’s day on Sunday, I wanted to write a little about him, and to him.
Dear dad,
Over and over you asked me to write you a letter, even if it was just to say fuck you. I wanted too, over and over, not to say fuck you, to say I love you. I couldn’t, not because I didn’t try, I just couldn’t, life didn’t give me that ability. I was ashamed to tell you, I didn’t want to disappoint, to let you down. You are my hero. Happy birthday, happy father’s day, happy Fourth of July, thank you for the birthday presents, merry Christmas, and happy New Year. I know this can’t hope to make up for all the years without, but this is what I can do. I hope your journey home was pleasant, and you can get some rest.
With love from your son.


christopher said...

You touch my heart, my friend.

Susie Clevenger said...

This is so poignant and beautiful. It touched me heart deeply.