could be your own

Once upon a day

Once upon a day

The trees dropped leaf scant cover

Torn away bare to sight

Stripped of plumage ripped of pretenses

Shivering it stood, daytime, not yet night

Once upon a day

Life ganged up, humanity turned cheek

“Tough love you know” and hastened away

Walking wounded bone weary shivering

Close to froze even closer to fate being food deprived

In that state

Once upon a day

Empathy born from horror

Our grandfather’s war was fought

To bring food and blankets with dear coin

Gladly we paid to stave off starvation

Cold exposure staying that chilled kiss

Of the long sleep

Most of a world away

I wish I could just say

Nothing but a memory

Pictures pinned angrily to the wall

Mr. Mortimer’s class, history, documenting

Dachau, Auschwitz some place near

Walt’s dream castle, New Schwanstein

Atrocity, holocaust death camps

 Technicolor magic kingdom of Disney fame

No matter the beauty

The mount with castle astride it

Images tattoo inside my closed eyelids

Twenty-four years later will never go away

But sadly that I cannot say, no,

For that starved and broken look

Now fated also to never go away

I saw too close to our home

Sickeningly

Like those from that war half a world away

But on a clean window, downtown Oregon City

I stood in front of for a moment earlier today

One slight moment upon this day

Just one was enough

Quickly dropped gaze

My reflection,

Emaciated…bone weary,

And I limped away

Christopher McQueeney     12/28/2013    3:55  A.M.

This was actually weeks ago, but a woman walking past me today mirrored it…the time I saw her before that, about two weeks ago, she spoke of her intention to go sleep in the woods…there are starving and needy people n your neighborhood…a can of tuna costs a buck…a funeral costs us our humanity

Teddy bears....keeping another pillow safe!!!

There is A

There’sss a monster

Underneath my bed

But…

That’s all right

He’s friends with

All the voices

In my head

As I lay my self

Down to bed

They get together

And run rampant

Instead of resting

Like I need to be

At least, they see

All the possibilities…

To be…if

Left to me

Rampant they run

Knowing all of the fun

To be had

In-spite-of-me

That’s why

The Monster and the Voices

Have so much fun

Gibbering

All night

Under my head

Beneath my pillow

Below my bed…

Christopher McQueeney   12/24/13   8:51 P.M.

I may have found the answer to the dilemma I have been having...

Staying the night at the fathers heart in Oregon city. they treated me with kindness when family (only one ) slammed the door in my face

Father's Heart...Oregon City....

Yes Seconds

Yes, the sign says

On the very first line

Black letters, green background

Seconds, The word

On the very last line

Two words tell a story

So clearly defined

Yes

Seconds

Says the sign

Black letters, green behind

The hungry stand lined up

One thought on their mind

Tonight I wont sleep hungry

Worries no mind

Maybe tomorrow We will see

The other side

Black letters Red background 

only one line

One word, two letters

only one line

No

Is all you will find

Christopher McQueeney   12, 13, 2013   2:30 P.M

I stood in line with them, hungry, and gretful, that when starving food was provided

Santa's Caper

 

Santa's Caper

 

 

I swear, I left it here
somewhere
he says with a little
hiccup in his get up
and go cuz we got these damn
deer shitting everywhere

 

 

 

 and trying to play those fucking reindeer games,

I mean really, fucking reindeer games...

works better with Gary seneese, sted we got stinky ass beasts...

Fu king rain dear gamZ.
Gods damn it all" face purpling "Rudolf you fucking degenerate,

get back in line. and for fucks sakes stop lighting up your nose under blitzing's balls,

just aint right I say...Word to the wise,

straight from Santa's mouth to his belly,

maybe a bit from his butt too...um, that's gross,

that place your mind just went, pew! back to Santa's inside
bubbles from his belly to his brain flash front and center

hmmm, to your surprise, didn't see this one coming, can tell from his eyes,

 he's drunk, flying over, Rolling dirty, he is
super fucking High
"Mother fuck Yeah!!! Got my keys!"

he shouts from inside the dilapidated kid sized playhouse

inside that house that was silent
"Motherfucking lazy ass deer help me get this fucking thing off me before we fly.

We got to stop in Colombia on our way to that guy...you know the one, that sultan,

the one that fucks anything and lives in dubi!"
Soooo, next year keep it safe, close, inside,

rum in his eggnog on Christmas eve is horrible, wrong,

it's not ok to drink and fly.
"Dam nit Donner Keep your shit to the left, fly straight I don't wanna die."

 Shouted Santa from that house that was silent

 was silent, once upon a time...


Wander 12/2/13 4:30 P.M.

December 1, 2013 at 4:34 PM

Open letter

Angry
You think you know 
what that word means
Angry
You think you 
know me
you think flipping over your table
had even occurred 
to me
Angry
The thought of hurting 
you or yours
never even came to me
angry
don't you have any idea
how much you and they
mean to me
angry
you wonder why I keep bringing up
my family
how the fuck can you/they
not see
you/they are the only thing 
that means a fucking thing
to me
Angry...
no, I'm not angry
I'm sad and scared
of trying to live
When everything I hear
and see
tells me to ask you
to end it all
for me...
because I cant, your in my way


Christopher McQueeney  4:29 P.M 11/27/13

Diagnosis

It Grew


We fell in love
This is true
We fell hard,
Me...and then you

We fell in love
Me and you
Fell hard indeed 
As only few do

I fell hard
If only I knew
How into hardness I fell
And only it grew

We fell in love
But into hardness it grew
Falling into hardness broke me
My falling broke you too


Christopher McQueeney 9:45 P.M. 11/22/2013




Their may be a flashlite at the end of the tunnle...maybe even a lantern because I am starting to see where my feet are landing...i was diagnosed with encephalopathy, toxic...only took sixteen months for dr's to reach that conclusion. any info you can share would be greatly appreciated...

Welcome to wander's world
corndog fries and
potato curles
in his world the
criddlers are crawling through

Your door

creeping through your door
they finger your goodies,
`then c the things 211a.....
Grip it tight you battle once more

the criddlers are crawling
across
the floor
criddling your brains
destroying the door


Christopher Michael Mcqueeney    11/13/2013  6:01P.M.


to my friends out thank you for your concern 

Pains

Window

Maybe

Maybe I really did die

That day

And…my life

Hasn’t gone astray

Just stuck

In limbo

My vision the window

My forehead stuck to

That day

Chris McQueeney    10/9/13    2:40 P.M.

This is the ….I don’t know 7^th day in this facility and I am learning

a lot(no not jail). The thing that has been brought up over and over in the last few months is that I have to make accommodations for my disability, rather than excuses…get the help I need, take positive action in my own life…due to my stay in the hospital I doubt that I will get the chance to go to Texas, and I am very sad about that, but I gotta do what I gotta do.

Yesterday was a very hard one for me, today not much better but at least  I have a day that could  be bad…rather than a headstone…………………………………………………

    Wander    10/9/13

This has been a long trip through crazy town…something happened to me a year ago when I was hurt at work, and I hadn’t had the correct language skills to express what I  really needed. The last 9 months have been hell for me…I have watched my life systematically destroyed, knowing it was happening, and I chose to do it on purpose so I could live long enough to write this to all of you.

Thank all of you; I’ll be back on tomorrow with a piece to post and some hellos….

Wander    10/7/13    8:48 PM

Have just a moment to write...I am using a friend's computer. thanks for reading this and I hope to be up and running again soon..................................

S.A.I.F.

I walked from the small patients room with fury.
I made it to the stairway before I couldn't go any further
I started balling...it took everything I had not to scream, to not rage. I invested every emotional cent I had left on that appt...
Two days later I said"something went wrong..."
" I know, we barely touched it." He said.
 "I'm alive" I said as we both looked at the mostly full half gallon of gin.
Two days before the Dr that I had invested so much emotional coin on informed me that he was contractually bound by S.A.I.F. (the insurer) not to tell me what his findings were and not to give me any advice. "My hands are tied." Said the Dr.

I was injured on the job, through no fault of my own...and my life has been destroyed. I love my family and friends, love life and writing, but the only thing that has kept me going are my children...and when I left that fucking dr's office even that wasn't enough.

Souls Blood

Whole again

The way I was before

They took the pin Out of the wheel

And the spokes fell off

Broken and torn tattered and beaten

On the ground you'll find me bleeding

My soul’s blood out

Needing the world to be

A gentle place If but for a day

Knowing that one more Pain will take away

My need to keep breathing for real

On this hill I climb

It is the one on which you’ll find me

Making a final stand this once I choose

I will upright fight from

The top...

This is the hill worth

Dying on

Chris McQueeney




 I wrote that piece in Aug of last year...June almost a year later and my physical life is the same

At a loss

Are we disgruntled today

are we gasping

and wheezing at a loss

for breath

cursing and ruing the day

the gas took our

life away

but did not cause

our death

Chris McQueeney     9/9/12    10:03P.M.

please look into the workman's compensation laws in your state and see if they are even beneficial to the worker...Oregon's are not. Today I am angry, and I am intent on going after them...but anger only lasts so long.

worth a shit

Life is full

Life is full 

Of painful shit

Shattered dreams

And excrement

But without

The pain

And nasty shit

Life and love

Beauty and 

what comes with it

Hopes and dreams 

Would have no fulfilment 

So no matter how

I bemoan my days

The thought that comes

And always stays

How lucky I am

Even though

Some days

Aren't worth a shit

Chris McQueeney    5/31/13    12:36 P.M.

Scissors... toy, or terror, you decide...discuss.....

Runs with scissors

I runs with scissors
He clames
With pride
So his shirt says
If you can read it beside
All that dirt and grime
Grunge under his nails
Filth on his hands
Not sitting down for
This life
On top of it he stands
Tall
Stooped sholdrs bent back
Testament
To the price
He's paid
His armorment proofed
With pride
I runs with scissors
He clames
With pride
So his shirt says
If you can read it beside
Its too bad they bite
He says
As tears roll from his eye
He tries to hold from out
What's spilling from inside
I runs with scissors
He clames
With pride
It hurts so when they bite
Spills from inside
It hurts so
When they bite


Chris McQueeney  5/29/10    12:15 A.M.

Malt liquor on NE MLK

You need to


Where the fuck am
I
He says
And her eyes
Light up in that
Special way
In the hospital
She says
You know you were
Drinking
Where the hell am I
He says
His eyes glazed
 Hands all a trembling
Do you have somewhere
 To go
She says
I'll try but I don't think
They'll let you stay
But I have to try something
Where the fuck am I
I say
Standing in the emergency
 Room hallway
All the doors
Are the same can you
Please help me
Find the way

On the stumble
To the store
For beer to cage
The screaming beast
In his chest
Echo the words of
The paramedic
 Man you need to
Quit drinking
Or you will
End up dead
Then the paramedic
 Paused in despair
And then repeatedly
Shouted in my ear
You
need
To
Quit
Drinking
Or you
Will
Soon be
Dead
 Those words rang
Through his head
Drinking malt liquor
 On NE MLK
YOU NEED TO QUIT DRINKING
He said/shouted...

Or soon I will be dead


Chris McQueeney.   5/14/13.


I will be posting this at dVerse poetry pub to share my words with theirs

Monday mauling

The air between


The best thing that
Can be said
About you
Is that that
Hole in your
Head
Spilling filth
And insu a tions
Has been filled
With superglue
The air rubbing
across
That vacant place
Between your ears
Made a queer sound
Offensive to hear
Much better now
Your hole's been
Closed off to sound
No more drama
And bullshit spreading
Around
Tied to you
That hole is made
New
It's a flat place
Filled with super glue


Chris McQueeney 10:20 AM


This is actually a light one

Years of painful dedication

Board Shorts

Gutter surfing

Is a way

Of life

Night times full of

Misrepresentation

Daytimes full of

Strife

Years of painful

Dedication

But as you can see

Nary a wife

Gutter surfing

Is a way

Of life

Somehow in life’s

Train station

I missed the

9:o5

Gutter surfing

Is a way

Of life

Caught the tube

In the gutter

Pipeline

Somewhere on

Northwest Burnside

Gutter surfing

Is a way

Of life

Swallowing me too

My dinners in the drink

A twenty piece

Grinding away

My mind

If you only knew

Gutter surfing

Is a way

Of life

If you only knew

My life is in

That drink

If you only knew

My life is in

That drink

If you only knew

Chris McQueeney    5/12/13    12:16 P.M.

I think this stands by itself so I wont post the pic that generated the spark…but, if you would like please go over to View From The Northern Wall and see.......