I found Kj through Quiet commotion. I
was trying to see who else read wine and words words. At the time I was very
new to the blogging thing so after finding Kj’s blog the first time it took me
about two months to find it again. I am so very grateful that I did…Kj has a
kind soul, and a loving heart. At a time when I needed desperately to hear kind
words she offered without being asked and said just the right things.
Welcome Kj
Tell us about the gigantic manor you lived in
before your more modest palace came into your life.
That is a story. My
friend Debbi moved from Rochester New York to work for me because she was
unsure about her marriage. She and her kids moved in with my daughter and me
and we had the best time as single women merging our families and sharing
dinners. Then she reconciled with her husband and she and he called me one day
and said ‘you have to see this house.’ It was a Victorian duplex: three floors
and fourteen rooms on each side. It had housed college students for years and
was in pretty dumpy shape. My kitchen had three refrigerators and five doorways
in it, and the high end pocket doors were used as dart boards. But the bones
were good: high ceilings and elegant windows and too many bedrooms to count. We
bought the house together and for several years lived beside one another, still
merging our families and sharing dinners. It was still wonderful except that
Debbi’s husband Jim was a jerk. In time we were all stuck with one mortgage and
bad feelings. In order to sell my half and move on, Jim and Debbi had to agree
to turning our one house into two condos and they wouldn't. I tried to sell my side and by now it was a
grand and funky house, and I got an offer. But when the buyers met Debbi and Jim,
they backed out. The next day the couple called me and said, ‘We love the
house, we like you, but we couldn’t live next to them, so how about we offer to
buy their side and we will be your neighbors instead of them?” So that's what
happened!! I lived there for twenty years and when we sold, we made enough
money to feel like millionaires for a gleeful six months.
How did you get into writing?
I wrote a paper on
the catholic church and abortion in the twelve grade and got an A. That started
it. I’ve always loved journaling and writing poems on napkins, but six years
ago I signed up for a weekend writers’ retreat and for the first time I wrote
with other people and for the first time I read aloud what I had written. Of
the twelve of us five were songwriters. We still meet at least one weekend a
year and sometimes two. The group leader is Nerissa Nields who with her sister
is the Nields, a fantastic folk group. Nerissa calls her workshops “Writing It
Up in the Garden” and stresses that seedlings need sunlight and nourishment. So
all the feedback is positive. She teaches the “weeding and pruning’ of work in
progress as well, but I’ve stuck with my original group. We call ourselves the
Big Yellow because that is the color of Nerissa’s house.
Tell me the hardest thing you have gone through
in your life that you are willing to share with the multitude of readers (all 6
of us) ;-)
You know how time
really does dim if not heal? Surely my Father’s death and the breakup of my
marriage and the betrayal of my first ‘true love’ many years ago should top
this list, but the truth is my heart failed to bounce about four years ago,
from a horrible break-apart with a woman I had met blogging. Despite distance
and differences and loyalties to our partners and families, we loved one
another and over two plus years of intensity and exhilaration, we could
not land in some safe place. She has
blamed and vilified me and has been very public about that. I keep wishing I
could volley back in that way, but that part is not what I wish to remember.
Ok now what about the best.
I am a Mother to a
daughter and I know I would unquestionably throw myself in front of a train for
her, no questions asked. That is the best.
You
are very good at inspiring feelings of wellbeing in others… is that natural, or
cultivated?
First, thank you.
That is a dear compliment. Honestly Chris, I think this quality is natural but
I do work at it. I probably became a Counselor to begin with because I have a
genuine respect and interest in people and it is not phony or forced. I’ve
learned to listen and I love being able to put words to feelings that are so
human and understandable to all of us, whatever our backgrounds. I tend to be
an optimist anyway and I am a baseball fan because you can strike out two out
of three times and still be an all-star.
What
is your favorite book?
Snowflower and theSecret Fan (I love the idea of ‘sames’, women who as young children are paired
up by their families to care for and help one another for life)
Who
is your favorite author?
I really don’t know.
Lately I am (re)reading
because his sentences are so short and
direct and he doesn’t rely on big vocabulary words. My own vocabulary is
limited so I’m trying to learn from him. He wrote the best short story ever:
“Baby shoes for sale. Never worn.”
Who
do you respect most in the world…this could be a person in your life, or that
you know; it doesn’t have to be a famous person.
My Mother, she is
ninety six and can’t remember anything after thirty seconds but she is intact
and vibrant in the moment and she is strong and kind and funny. She was a good
and present Mother but we didn’t speak for almost nine years because she would
not accept my sexual orientation. It is a miracle that we overcame that. It
happened because my Father finally had enough. I would take my daughter to see
her grandparents on holidays and leave before the family gathering because my
partner was not welcomed. One morning my Father’s little tears fell into the
Thanksgiving turkey he was carving and he said, “Your Mother’s going to talk to
you. This has gone on long enough.” So sure enough, when my Mother walked me to
the door she said, “I had a dream that I might be wrong. I asked a priest if it
was alright and he said yes. So....what’s the least I can do?”
Hahaha, “Coffee,” I
said. So my parents and my partner JB and I had coffee one morning at their
house. Then Easter dinner and then everything was okay again. It is a miracle
of a story with a miracle of a happy ending.
Tell
us about your book.
It is a quick read
love story called
“The Light Stays On.”
I wrote it mostly on one of two couches over a year's time and it conveys what
i consider the easiest and hardest about loving someone. At the time I wanted
to know that choosing love and accepting passion, even when painful to someone
else, raises all boats. I still believe that.
How
hard was it for you to come out?
I had my first
lesbian relationship while separated from my husband. I was thirty and building
a name for myself in my work. I never felt shame or guilt about it, but at the
time it was not prudent or acceptable so I was like so many others:
semi-closeted for several years. Plus my little daughter begged me not to
embarrass her. I think her greatest fear was that my picture would appear on
the front page of the Boston Globe. But that was a long time ago. Her first
year in college, she and her friends openly welcomed me and my partner, who was
in her life from the third grade on. We are a family in every sense. My Irish
masculine son-in-law told me he hopes his marriage is as good as mine.
Now
you ask yourself 2 questions that you always wanted to be asked in an
interview, and then answer them.
1. Why
do you like Chris so much?
Mr. Wander has a raw
honesty and a natural talent for telling his tales. He writes his poetry using
short powerful words and images that cut to the chase. Plus for some reason I'm
just very fond of him and I have been from the beginning. I'm super glad he's part of my blogging
community. And speaking of blogging, the whole experience is precious to me.
2. What is your favorite joke?
There are three kinds
of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
there is a button on my sidebar to order my book through paypal. that way i sign it before it ships out. it's also available through amazon and barnes and
noble.com
xoxox
kj
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