After speaking with the sorely used (or so he thought) farmer I thought I would talk to the other side of the coin...here is what she had to say....
Lecherous
Grin
This is it
Never again
There he
stands
Across the
field
With his bottle
And that lecherous
Grin, again
He thinks
To have me
tonight
He thinks he
sets me
Alight inside,
no fright
The light
inside has
Dimmed
Never will he
Win
Into
Me,
Again
Night
approaches
He and I for
the last
Time this
spin
Of the wheel
of will
He or I win
this last time
This bottle
of gin
In my hand
tilts the scales
One
More
Drink
My dear
I think with
that
Last drink you’ll
be
Done in,
lecherous grin
Slackened,
one swing
Eye blackened
Tractor,
Truck,
Bank account
Gone
Purse and jewelry
Farm hand
Luke and I
gone
Like
The
Wind
That serves
you right
You abusive
drunk!
For trying to
lay
Your repulsive
self
Into me
Never again,
that was it
The end!
Chris
McQueeney 7/11/12 9:53
P.M.
12 comments:
ha fun way to tell the story man...he has to take better care of mama...especially with all those farm hands around...smiles...
Ahhhh, there is always the other side of the story, isn't there :)?
Smart mama to take the tractor and the truck! Even farm hands hafta make a livin'... :)
Really well done, Chris. Layers of nuance frosted with crisp rhythm and meter...
holy moley chris, i kind of read this aloud and i hardly took a breath. honestly i think this is super good writing. you someone catch the rhythm and it's kind of breathless and you have this play on words and this repetition.
for some reason this line gets me:
He thinks he sets me
Alight inside
the word Alight: is it even a word? if it is or isn't, it's a great word.
nice nice
love
kj
Hmmm. 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,' comes to mind in this verse. Ha!
And the association she connects between his behavior and it's negative impact on his use of her body - it's spot on. Very insightful.
Wow - that's a smart and strong voice your character has. I like it!
I first went back and read the farmer's poem, then this one. I think she may have a point.
what a perfect rebuttal!
not only are your words visually impressive, i like the way they move in written form. nice. very.
Well, I say, he may have had it coming. But that was tough revenge!
Yeah kj it is a word...and a bit of a play on words at the same time...thank you:-)
Thakhs nadja:-)
:-)
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