magic

Nowhere to be found

The magic is missing

From the world today

I went to look for it

This morning and it was

Nowhere to be found

The magic went missing

From the world today

There is a gaping hole

Where it used to be

And I don’t know

Where to look

Or how to say

The magic is missing

And I can’t find my way

Chris McQueeney  9/29/14

Thank you for reading my work...I have never written that down before but I thought I would let you know it is appreciated ......................

Day fourteen

How will I know


It's a tough deal
this life thing
at times I try
and spin all
over again at the
beginning of things
just to find
myself stymied
If wishes could bring
all when I am in need
I wouldn't feel trapped
in this vicious loop
am I wining through
at any point in time
or am I just running
through winter bare fields
searching for a path
I just don't know
what's right
how will I know
How the hell
will I know


Chris McQueeney     9/24/14



Got the new computer and all of a sudden my writing volume jumps by like five hundred percent. I can now work and save pieces in a secure place...what a feeling it is to have that luxury. I don't have the ability to hand write so having a paper journal is out of the picture. I think that would be a nice way to be able to do things...just pull the paper out and start writing on it. I've tried but it hurts too much for me to get very far. So I am relegated to writing through an electronic medium. When I first realized that I could write with a keyboard I was excited because for the first time in my life I was going to be able to express myself with writing. I was also excited because I had always wanted to be an author and now I could.

It got lost in the shuffle

Think you that

We knew ahead

Of time

What our decisions

Would bring

Like we had a map of the stars

And a oracle to advise

Us against our transactions

Put a quarter in the slot

Out pops a divination

Oh no, don’t go that path

And another

Know along that path Lies disaster

I put the requisition in

But it 

Along with many others

got lost in the shuffle

Chris  McQueeney

9/28/14

Wow! I got a new computer, and it isn't a mac this time...it is so much easier to write on a computer. I have for the most part been using the wordprocessor on my phone  to put together my work. I have to say being able to use MSWord is soooo much a better way, and having a keyboard is nice as well...as far as the poetry I kinda like the piece I put together on my new computer...Thank you Gram this thing is cool

what the hell

Moves on


Well aren't you
The disgruntled one
A martyr
in the cause
of you
Lying in your humble Abode
Drifting in and out of
Sleep
While the world
moves on
Without you
you slumber in shades
of red
dreaming a life
Full of dread
A martyr
in the cause of you


Chris  mcQueeney    9/23/14


I just got a new computer. Now comes the joys of figguring out how the darned thing works. Also got ms word which I am verry happy about.it isnt a whole lot of help with poetry but with my long and short stories it is a big assett . Also in even better news I am spending the day with my children. We went to the dollar store that has an entire isle for toys. The keds got to pick two things out...I think they made good picks, well, atleast they are happy with them...i love those two soo much............

Day eleven

Childlike

My two little people

To you I give my heart

Each day I do live more

With joy and pain

Your lives to me remain

Forever priceless
Childlike


Chris McQueeney 9/24/14


Good morning on this thirty day strech...at first I approched this journey like a would a strech at the local jail...but, as time goes by it gets just a bit less intalerable , kinda a reliefe.....well thats just me today.

Day ten

I'm warning you



There's a monster Under my bed
I tell you true
It's not just In my head
It fills the space
Underneath me
At night while I should be sleeping
It has teeth Enough to bite Me
I tell you true
It's there
I can feel it's breath
In the air
fear runs my veins
I tell you noI'M not insane
there's a monster Under my bed...
not in my closet
no not there
below my pillow mattress and frame
I swear it's true
there's a monster
not in my head
it's there every night under my bed
don't look
I'm warning you


Chris McQueeney    9/24/14

Good morning...I am off to court today to finish up one part of an obglation started almost a year ago...wish me luck...........

tic toc lifer

tic toc lifer


Box rider
Brother beside her
Life's trials insider
no shirt
no shoes
no service
So the sign says
Livin life on a timer
Tic toc lifer
Tear on her eyelid
Don't go she says
Not understanding
How hard it is
Not breaking
At the sound
Of tears in her voice
Tic toc lifer
Livin life on a timer
Box rider
Brother beside her
Got to go
This time
But someday...
Someday


Chris  mcQueeney    9/24/14


Day nine of writing every day...Today the writing is alright. Life seems flat for some reason, and I feel apathetic to the everyday things  I have to do. That is all right, It's not always that way...I say it is all right but at the same time I feel that it isn't. Talking about it today brought the focus on it for me. When the world feels flat it is a tough thing to get motivated, time seems to drag on. I don't like it when I get this way, and it is a relatively new thing. I think that it has something to do with the medication I have to take because of the brain damage I received two years ago. At times it feels akin to pulling teeth just to do the most simple of things. In the past I had more energy than I had things to do...that isn't the case now. At times it is as if I am wearing a led weighted suite, dragging along.
Oh well, I guess I will just have to walk this path until it get's better. I do have hope that it will get better...It will get better.

Day 8

Just so you know


Go
get the fuck away
from me
dont you know
can't you see
how disturbed this
is making me
this presence
this your self
Here in front of me
is a dotted line
look closer and
you will see
This dotted line
Should be a sign
for you to back
The fuck off
Just so you know
you should go


Chris McQueeney    9/22/14

Good morning...this post has no berring on how my day is going and is not directed at anyone in particular. Have a good day:-)

The Mag

image credit at the Magpie Tales: Mag 238 please feel free to visit

The dam

Water's cresting

I hope
The dam is three
Feet under
Under all this
Damn water
Water's holding
The life of this
Place in time
What ever possessed
Them to cross
The dotted line
Their maps said
Flood plain
Well we think
We should put
Houses over there
...fools are we
Water's cresting
I hope


Chris McQueeney    9/22/14    2:46  P.M.



"What were you thinking? You had to know where that would get you...out in the yard with wet feet!" said the woman with a scornful twist to her features "The water is up to your knees and you go out in it like you don't have a concern in the world. We had to look for your sister yesterday, now you up and wander off. As if we don't have better things to worry about!"
Head lowered the girl refused to answer...........

To relate

Is it fun in there

Where do you go

When your eyes blank

Out like that right there

Is it fun in there

Behind those ocular sentries

I try and try and try 

To get into what you

Are feeling

But it is kinda hard

To relate

So blank of face

You become

Scary is a close second

Behind disgusting 

In describing words

For what it is like

In dealing with you at times

Are you there

Or is your body just 

Occupying the space you  

Formerly held so tight

Are you there 

Or am I just talking

To a bag of skin filled

To the brim with shit 

Colored emptiness

You should probably walk

Away now before 

Your emptiness spills out

Chris  McQueeney   9/21/14    4:39  P.M

This is the second piece I have written for today and it is not a true life piece, has no place in the real world. I like it when I get to write fiction and it feels like it is coming from a true experience, feels good.

It's a small world

With tears in their eyes


That world was a big place
So was said
Till that day at Trinity
I like to think
The world stood still
For a fraction 
Of a second
That's all it took
In that nuclear instant
That big world was
Laid low
Imagine all of heaven's Angles
Singing it's a small world
After all
With tears in their eyes


Chris  McQueeney    9/20/14



This was penned in response to Christopher's poem Here


I think it is day 5 of writing every day of thirty. This experiment is going well enough, I think. Today's poem was actually written yesterday. I find that some of my best poetry is sparked from reading other poets work, and Christopher's poems stand out in the inspiration department. I think that tomorrow I am going to write a story for the blog...it's been a while...........

My kids

Open up inside
Give freely
Of the plenty that
Is you
Take little
Of what is offered
To you
Live for tomorrow
By the time you get there
Yesterday will be
two days away
Open up your insides
Spill the beans
If done correctly
Good may yet come


Chris McQueeney


Im off to see my kids today! It has been a week and I am ready to see them again...............

what do you see

Vacant

Broken is the place to be

stride forth from there

what do you see

vacant spaces

making up empty places

not even a tree

Broken was the place to be

taking up

all of you and me

vacant faces

lining empty places

as far as the eye

can see

Chris McQueeney    9/19/14   

Day four of thirty and it seems like an infinity. The writing is going ok, but I want it better. Tomorrow will be a full day because I get to see my children. Chase and Karley are their names, and I love them desperately. Not sure what we will be doing, something that costs nothing I'm sure. They will have a good time no matter what we do because they will be doing it with Papa. I think the hardest part will be when it is time to go. They don't understand and I can't explain it to them in a way that will make sense so they get very sad. All I can do is be supportive and loving...doesn't seem like much but it is what I have for them for now. And on that note have a good day and I will see you tomorrow.....................

Twine

See it unravel


I sit here wondering
From day to day
What should I do
What can I say
My life has been broken
It took but a moment
Who would think
A life could be destroyed
In the blink of an eye
It took but a moment
To pull the pin
Throw the grenade
Then let us begin
See it unravel
Day by day
I've been broken by life
What else can I say
Broken by life
To this very day


Chris McQueeney    9/18/14    10:05  A.M.


Day three of my thirty day write...And we get a poem this morning. I kinda feel the spark this morn, well shit, I guess I do feel something. For the last few months I have been posting from my phone, and I guess it is harder to tap into the creative part of my mind that way. I actually feel physically Good today so that may have something to do with my writing, I'll have to keep track of that as well. Ok, that is enough for today................

Second Day

This is the second day of thirty where I am posting no matter if I feel the spark or not. Everyone has responded ion the same fashion...Keep Writing they say, so I will. I am starting to think that this slump might have been caused by my medications. Maybe, but not for sure. One thing I do know for sure is that my love for creating will keep me butting up against the wall of this slump trying to break through...........

Chris McQueeney

Doldrums

Living that life
is a simple
kinda thing
one house
two cars
and a diamond
in a ring
keeping up with the
Jones's and their
family is different
Everything bigger
shiner and newer
always on the up
up and away
thoughts of tomorrow
never today
never satisfied
no way


Chris McQueeney


This is probably one of the worst poems I have ever written...But, I am posting it anyway. I am going to try something different. For the next thirty days I am going to post on my blog every day. not ever post will have poetry but I will have it on some. I need to work through this writing and life slummp, and I think that forcing myself to sit at the computer even when I don't feel the spark, and I don't that's for sure. Not sure the reason for my writing doldrums but it is a big pain in the ass. I miss the passion that happens inside when I am writing from my muse, it's been a while......................... 

Fickle beast

Laid out

Lifting my foot

I step away from

this path

laid out for me

by the well meaning

I step away from

infinity to unknown

walking my fears

along with me

trusting in the fates

This path

unrestrained without limits

within the unformed

sentences brought about

by times guiding light

Laid out for me

is nothing like

what was meant to be

giving me hope

that somehow I'll be free

By the well meaning

this path was laid out

For not me

for you and you and you

Never going to be

Chris McQueeney    9/15/14    10:38 P.M.

I am currently typing at a public library...And am grateful for it's presence. This writing thing is such an outlet, but at the same time it is a fickle beast. It needs to be fed, and nurtured. I have gone through a dry-spell; not able to put my thoughts together in a coherent fashion. It is frustrating to say the least to sit down to write and only be able to put something together that feels woody and contrived. It is also frustrating to write while exhausted. It takes energy to write, almost as much as moving bricks. So when the inspiration is there with the energy I try to take advantage of it. Today I am just plodding along.....................

Stalking the Demon

EMAIL – info@ciaraballintyne.com
WEBSITE – http://ciaraballintyne.com
TWITTER – @CiaraBallintyne

This is a new short novel by a friend of mine, maybe you could check it out...or check out her website.

The Mag

Withheld


I've been left
behind again
empty inside
it seems now
where did you go
when you found your soul
I didn't know
you had it so
hard here with me
streched so thin you snapped
like a strummed string
off key you ring
through my world
a whirling dervish
smashed it's way through
all of me
how can it be
this dream of you
with out me
withheld I may be
in this the stream
of your time
Leave, I don't care
Been here before
be here again
you may have left
behind me
your residue stayed


Crhris McQueeney    9/13/14   2:13 P.M.


This was penned in response to Christopher over at northernwall.blogspot.com he had a post for the mag and the pic that was posted there

Blah

Having Had

Having had the spark

lighting me off

Arcing from pole to pole

Mark the word

Hear the say

Having had the spark

I know it's touch

A million candle  watt

Caress 

Fingers dance the 

Keyboard path

Jolting out my way

Having had the spark

Chris McQueeney    9/13/14

under the waves

Miles Deep

Blinded by the light

I sat in a corner

Cradling my own mind

Glass surrounded me

For miles in waves

A sea of shattered memories

Miles deep

Not able to see

I can still hear

Cries from those depths

Chris McQueeney    9/9/14    4:45 P.M.

On a broken heart

They mend


Broken hearts mend
Much stronger
She says
From her seat of years
Believe you me
Walk a mile more
In your own shoes
Before you give up
Broken hearts heal crooked
But they heal
This you will find
With time
And pain
Find it you will
Broken hearts mend
Much stronger
She says
From her seat of years
They mend...


Chris McQueeney   9/9/14    4:45 P.M.

the movie sucked

From behind


hiding inside my own mind
trying to figure out the trick
of looking at myself
from behind
it's hard enough traversing
the corners and curves
looking from the front
I am getting pretty good
at riding my own back
not giving credit for
improvising a life broken
by needs better left behind
unspoken words of comfort
calamity around every corner
hiding inside my own mind
trying to help myself
from behind


Chris McQueeney

Today was a good day...I got to spend the lions share of it with my grandmother and her partner. We went and visited my aunt and second cuz. He is a cute little guy. After that we went to the local mall to watch a movie. The movie was one of those feel good about your life be a better person high school football kinda movies. I was glad when it was over. I loved the company but the movie just sucked. After which we had dinner in the food court. I also got the oppertunity to talk with grandmother about where I am at with my life and where I want to see it head. All in all a very good time...Thanks gram and Red I had a good time.

the third wedding

Twenty years ago yesterday I got the chance to be a part in my father's third wedding. He was marrying a beautiful woman named Vivian, at a horse ranch. Me being almost seventeen and adhd I couldn't wait for all the wedding stuff to be over. After the wedding my sister and I and one other snuck off (drove off with the car) to go get stoned. By the time we got back, throughly baked, everyone was pissed at us...What we didn't know at the time we took off was that we were supposed to be in the wedding pictures directly after the wedding. so, oops we kinda fucked that up. Eventually the pictures got taken and everyone was mullified.
That day we got to go to my fathers final wedding, got to make asses out of ourselves and that night my sister got a five hundred and nineteen dollar speeding ticket. it was all around a good day and I am grateful I got the chance to be a part of it. I miss him dearly, these last eleven years without him have been tough but having memories like these help a bit, just a bit........ 

thinking

Some them mems


Sitting here thinking
Bout days gone by
Thinking hard to put
The pieces back together
An impossibility
Some them mems
Burned beyond repair
What's left
What's still there
Is disjointed and not clear
But its what I got
To work with now
Now being the operative word
Got to live in the now
Just for today
They say it'll get better
With time
With time...Fuck you
With that with time shit
I want it now
Why the fuck can't I have it now
Why...you know why
Broken brain feeling the strain
Of the mundane just trying to get by
Let alone excel
Just sitting here trying to
Remember me
Where I am and where I need to be


Chris McQueeney  1:38  P.M.

qualify

Shining one

Qualify yourself

qualify your surrounding

Can you

In some ways I am sure you

Can't even come up with a qualify

For an at bat in a t-ball game

You are a fucking shame at times

But for all of that

You are the best of us

At times even the best of us

have not the quality

To qualify as better

then the least of us

Chris McQueeney

This is the very first poem fully composed on my new mac. I have no idea how to use this damn thing but I am giving it a go anyway...maybe a course from a mac pro will help....