Happy new year!!

And winter is calling

The sky is awake

And winter is calling

It’s icy tendrils

Coursing through everything

The sky is awake

And winter is calling

The fields have been cropped

The buns are in the oven

And there’s a fire in the place

The sky is awake

And winter is calling

The trees are bare

The leaves have fallen

The sky is awake

And winter is calling

Chris McQueeney    12/25/14

I am getting later in the day when I have time to post here at my blog...Happy New Year to you all out there in blogger land. I took a nap today so I can stay up till the crack of midnight. New Years has always been one of my favorite times. I remember as a child thinking it was so cool that I would get to stay up as late as I wanted and at midnight light off a few fireworks then bang pots and pans. now as an adult I look forward to having a new year................

greener pastures

That ship

That ship has sailed

So they say

The grass is always greener

On the other side

If that is the case

You can never reach

The greener side because

The fence is just too damned high

That ship has sailed

So they say

But they don’t say where it has

Sailed to

Has it sailed to greener pastures?

If so it may just be a lawn boat

Can you imagine that

A lawn boat floating on greener grass

I can I guess you just need to have

A good imagination

Chris McQueeney

This was actually supposed to post yesterday, but I guess I didn't hit post...oh well I was trying and it can post today just as easily as yesterday. My check in goes as follows: 1) I hurt my back   2) went to the Dr's    3) not much they can do for it but pain meds and muscle relaxers. I have to see my primary Dr. to see if I need a MRI. Wish me luck!

The Mag 251

Waves

Alabaster waves of light

Cascade through your aura

Bending this way and that

As if through a prism

Rainbows dance around your head

Moth like they flutter

So delicate a dance

Accentuating your beauty

What a tenuous thing
That nimbus surrounding you

But your beauty is strong

Enough to carry those

Alabaster waves of light

Through and over and in

Your essence of self
Pink 

Chris McQueeney    12/28/14


This is being linked to the Mag 251

Sunday

Clarion call

We take all sorts around here

Not one for the usual normally

We like um twisted sideways

The more sideways you are

The more credibility you have

So with this clarion call you need

But to answer before time runs out

We are generous to those that qualify

But hard on those less qualified

You’ll see we need and want you around

You will find your place among us

Finding it a pleasant experience or two

But not to discourage you before you

Take that step with no hope of return

For we are a lifetime fraternity and we deal

Deserters with a very heavy hand

Chris McQueeney    11/22/14

I dont feel much like writing today, Im tired, so tired...life is a trippy thing I still have to produce even when I am exausted. hope you like

but the sea

A bit o elbow grease

Put your caps on

And look lively

This tub won’t sail

Er self

Look lively I said

And I meant it

Cappin’ll be watching

And I’ll be damned if

You misrepresent me

Or this ship

Put your backs to it boys

That’s it, bit o elbow grease

To smooth the way

That’s it boys

No ease till port

But who needs ease

We got the sea

With the wind to our backs

And the sun to our front

What more can a man want for

But the sea

Chris McQueeney    12/27/14

haiku for saturday

The tree sheds it's leaves

on an expectant ground so

Fine watch for falling

foliage in the air 

the carpet of leaves so fine

waiting for winter

I was invited to post a haiku so I thought I would give it a go. In traditional haiku the lines go five syllables then seven then five again and has something to do with nature. 

Wrong side

Instead

I woke this morning

On the wrong side of the bed

Shifted my rump

And bonked my head

Someone somewhere

Woke this morning

On the right side of the bed

They shifted their rump

And didn’t bonk their head

Must be nice to live on that side

Of the world

Where wishes had wings

And people can fly

I’m stuck here on the wrong side of the world

And get up on the wrong side of the bed

No wishes

No wings

No flying

Instead

We are stuck

On the wrong side of the bed

Chris McQueeney    12/26/14

This time last year

So well

Starlight traces the sky

And on the wall the reflection

Of lights as I lay down to slumber

The blanket so warm covering me

And the thought of a tree in the other room

Warming me even farther

Christmas is on its way

At time of year where it is expected

To be excited and have the wiggles

Because for those few days

I won’t be able to keep it in

Probably will have to spend some time in the car

By myself if it gets to be too much

I hate the silence of that little Toyota

And being by myself when they were all in there

And being by myself

When they were all in there having fun

But Christmas isn’t all about that

It is about caring and sharing

And being with those you love

Starlight traces the sky

And reflection on the wall

A comfort to a child that didn’t sleep

So well

Chris McQueeney    12/23/14

This time last year I was homeless. I had been sleeping where ever I could and one of those places was a bridge downtown. Today is Christmas, one year ago yesterday I got out of the mental hospital for the seventh or eighth time that year. I spent all last week in the hospital so I got some feelings of being stuck in a cycle. My life is in much better than it was this time last year and for that I am grateful... 

soft one

All I need

I saw you so many times today

        Your dress was blue and

                      Your hair was astray

I wish I could see you like that again

                             All I need from you

                    Is to tell me when

When I can see you again

What do you say

                Can I

See you

Again

Really I have never

Seen something so lovely

As you

                 Can I

        See you again

Doesn’t have to be much

       Just a split in the

                    Crowd

     And you just

       Walking by

And I only gaining a glimpse

            of you

        if even just out of the corner

  of my eyes

That would be enough

Till the next time

Can I

Oh Please

Can I see you

Again

Chris McQueeney    12/24/14

Test to see if my audience thinks my poetry is publishable

let me know if you think this work is publishable...comment at the bottom of the page


the rain god


The Sun God could visit

It would be a nice thing

We could sit on the patio  

Talk of this, that, and other things

Reliving days gone bye

Also days yet to be

Alas, the Cloud God is camping

Hanging with his cousin Rain King

The ground is wet

The sky is grey

Bringing back to me

If the sun god could visit

It would be a nice thing

Maybe then I wouldn't have to worry

About the f’ing Rain King

7/17/11

Goodbye to you my dear

You have been gone

For most of a year

Ghost pains

From a limb taken away

Remind me how I could say

For you

I would burn the motherfucker

Down

It's true

But that would be

Just for the ghost

Of you and me

On Monday I'm on my way

To sign the papers

That say

The ghosts of me and you

Have gone, their separate,

Away

Chris McQueeney    6/22/12    9:31 P.M

For you

I would strip my soul bare

And throw it at your feet to use

For you

Strip my soul

For you

I would break my crown

And tear my palace down brick by brick

For you

Brick by brick

For you

And burn the mother fucker down

For you….

Chris McQueeney    5/3/12

Better side

Screaming inside

Trying to find a frame Of mind

Trying to find a place

To hide from the demon inside

Grinning at the wheel

Driving the machine

Forcing the gears

To align opposed from

My better side

The screaming inside

Drowning the world out

Gears grinding the wheels turning

While my entire life is crashing

And burning

Chris McQueeney    7/28/12    2:16 P.M.

We like um

Clarion call

We take all sorts around here

Not one for the usual normally

We like um twisted sideways

The more sideways you are

The more credibility you have

So with this clarion call you need

But to answer before time runs out

We are generous to those that qualify

But hard on those less qualified

You’ll see we need and want you around

You will find your place among us

Finding it a pleasant experience or two

But not to discourage you before you

Take that step with no hope of return

For we are a lifetime fraternity and we deal

Deserters with a very heavy hand

Chris McQueeney    11/22/14

That time of year is upon us! We either love it or hate it but Christmas is almost here, welcome. I want to tell you about the good things that can come with that but I think I will wait for tomorrow for that.....Happy holidays to you!!!

Freedom

I didn't know any better





Life has its pitfalls and it is not always

possible to  avoid them

can you imagine living in the times of Pompei

just going about your business

and Bam...the mount you have always loved

explodes on you burying your life under

a mound of super heated silica

that's what you are to me you are my Pompeii

you exploded and buried me in your venting

I had no warning nor defense

I have been mummified by your vitriol

Scalded and dried at the same time

Thousands of years from now

archaeologists will debate how this came to be

I was smiling when you hit me

I am still smiling now an articulated grin

that came from within when I saw you

I didn't know any better





Chris McQueeney    12/22/14

Left the world to the sun

I took a trip today
no one said goodbye
but I went anyway

I left the world to the sun today
I took a trip
and I went away

The sun shone in the sky
he showed up
but didnt stay

I went on a trip today
I touched the sun
then was away

I saw a shadow of myself
flowing behind me
tried to leave it behind on my way

I left the world to the sun today
Took just one look
then was away

I went on a trip today
I touched the sun
then was away


Chris McQueeney    12/21/14

Shine still

Shine on little star

we need you here

life is what you make of it

dont run this time



stay your self

for just a moment

plant your self

like a tree and root



lift your delicate arms

up to meet mine

join in this moment

your fingers twined



delicate though you may be

there is an inner strength

that is blinding to see

Breathe in and hold



breathe out and still

your racing heart

fluttering beats stand

you well in this moment



shine on little star

this roaring tide

will pass us by

stand still and hold



shine for we little star

join with me a moment

more in this place

hold just a moment more





Chris McQueeney    12/20/14

just a poem and a check in

For some time


Wishing I could be
a practitioner
of stockpiling health
holding on to it
for some later day
I could gather it
 for some time
when I will use it
to make you
dance in the glow
all beter again
then we could both
practice
stockpiling health
not like misers
we could share the wealth
like givers of health
and be together
and we could be together

Chris McQueney    12/19/14

hings are stabelizing and I still can't spell worth a shit, but that's ok normally spell check takes care of it but I am on the hospital computer for now and it doesnt have Crome...that is it for now

feel what


I dont want to be here
hat is the first thing anyone
here says
I dont want to be here
I want to be
somewhere warm and comforting
I want to be able to just walk
out when it gets
to be to much
and too much is not much
on the richter scale
much less than an earth quake
but it feels  so much more
more like a life quake
there is a life quake happning folks
get into position
this one's going to be a duzy
In my skin
I dont want to be here
in my skin
I would much rather change
skins for a day
and not feel what I feel
in my own skin


Chris McQueeney    12/18/14

quick check in

and for now


I am sitting here
With hip hop playing
In the background
in a hospital
it has all the usual smells
astringent and shit
Took a bit
to get
me to come again
the psych ward just
 wouldnt be the same
without BigE Smalls
beat hittin off
I think today
about why I came
this malady in my brain
the thing that keps um
 comming back for more
I been down
in the dumps above me
you can find the door to
this particular cellar
The front of a moving car
looks fine to me and
I wonder if I am over reacting
better yet my fear of being here
is wondering if I am
reacting rightly
I am here for now
and for now am here



Chris McQueeney    12/17


I am curently in a hospital for a stabilization. I have been very down lately and it has been building up on me...I will try to check iin every day but not sure that I can.....
 

Not really

Fucked

Fuck you

You broke down

Piece of shit

You don’t even have

Any Idea what kind

of mess you made

When you left us behind

Or do you?

Did you look in the mirror

And say to yourself

I’m a gonna fuck them

Royally

Or was it more of a

This won’t hurt them

So much

They’ll get used to that

Burning sensation

It only hurts the

First few times you get

Fucked

Chris McQueeney    11-29-14

Good morning. Not much from me today. I guess I could talk about something but I am not going to so have a good one

One Day Reprise and story

One Day

One day the man

Woke up and realized

All the flat

Places

Filled with all

The flat

Faces

Were just

Paper filled trays

With words

And numbers from

Pain filled days

Chris McQueeney    4/14/13    12:00 A.M.

I stumbled into the emergency room and I asked for help…From what I heard later I had a blood alcohol level of point seven four. You might ask how someone could get a blood alcohol content so high, well, you drink a lot that is how. I don’t remember much from that stay in the hospital. They put me in the psychiatric ward because I was mentally unbalanced. This was before I was diagnosed with toxic encephalopathy…I think they diagnosed me that time with psychotic disorder and depressive disorder. I spent nine days wandering around that psych ward not really knowing what was going on. What started that particular incident was losing my children. I got home from jail and my house was quiet and it shouldn't have been. I broke, my reason for living was gone, and I broke. I started drinking because I wanted to kill myself and I spent about a week in that state. See I don’t want to kill myself, there is just something broken in my head that makes me want to end my life. When I started drinking that day I stopped wanting to kill myself. I was sober when I got home…I was sober when I went to jail…I was sober when I decided to drink rather than kill myself. The problem with the situation was that I am an alcoholic on top of everything. That complicates things because of the nature of the disease. Alcohol is a wonderful medication for things like a broken heart, grief, and a broken mind, if you are not an alcoholic. Alcohol was bringing me to my knees while it was saving my life. I was able to get it across to the doctors that I was talking to that there was something wrong underneath the alcohol consumption. I got it across to them that I was broken and the drinking was a temporary bandage for the wound, at one point while I was detoxing I was sitting in a little room with a doctor as little monsters ran around his feet, I was hearing things and seeing things that were not there. At first I thought that was because of the alcohol. I know now that it is because of the encephalopathy. It took another few trips to the psych ward for that diagnosis to come about. Like I said I had started drinking a solid week before this episode and I had bought a fifth of gin that night and drank it on the bus ride out to the hospital. I ended up passing out in the bus stop across the street from the hospital emergency room for a few hours. When I came to I finished the fifth and stumbled across the street. When the staff saw what condition I was in they put me in a bed in the hallway…I sat there for hours while they tried to figure out what to do with me. At one point I asked for a sandwich and they looked at me so funny. I am at a crossroad in my life where the medication they are giving me is barely working, I am having a real hard time with it too. The one thing that I have going for me is that I don’t have to drink to keep from killing myself any more, aside from that at times I still feel like that man who was wandering that hospital psych ward……..


Chris McQueeney    12/15/14    2:09 P.M.

Dear KJ

Isn’t she lovely

And with her passing
did with her 
joy she will bring
to the breaking heart
for how could you not break
in the presence 
of one such as she
it is in those breaks
where the joy escapes
and is found all over
again
isn't she lovely 


Wander    12/13/14


This poem was written in response to a friend of mine whose mother is dying...I hope and prey that she goes easy and finds some peace

Smack dab

photograph by Robert Doisneau

To hell with it all

Kisses were wishes

That day baby

And I got a million

You stood there

Just so and I just

Had to lay lips to you

To hell with wondering

If you want me

Or not

To hell with it all

Your lips so soft

I just had to

Kiss you like that

In that place

At that particular moment

Kisses were wishes

That day baby

And my wish got laid

Smack dab on you

Chris McQueeney  12/14/14    12:11 P.M.

The prompt was brought to you be Tess over at the Mag, where each Sunday she brings an image to us to wax poetic about…Check out what the other poets have come up with.

Empty faces

Empty faces

A bitter heart
is an empty place 
full of empty people 
with
empty faces
how then should I go 
on 
from this trace of you
I find and see
in everything
or is it an echo 
of a trace of you
either way 
those bitter empty faces
mind their manor
more often than not 
Not trespassing too often
or for too long


Wander  12/13/14

My poetry is often just generated by emotion, or the idea of emotion. They are mostly fiction. Often I get inspiration by reading other peoples poetry or pros. This poem was written in response to a poem, or rather by the emotion that poem brought to me. I have gotten the most inspiration from a few poets and this particular poem was brought about by Christopher at View from thenorthern wall. Christopher is a longtime friend in the real world and is also the reason I built my blog in the first place. He is a very talented poet and writer.

Ivory tower

High horse

You sit there

On your high horse

With your lofty ideals

Judging

All that you survey

It is nice for you to

Grace us with your presence

I bet the Ivory tower that

You came from

Is a lonely place without you

Withering your gaze may be

But power it lacks

I’ve seen your type before

All it takes is a pin

Prick to shred your facade

And land all your little pieces

Around your mounts feet

How pretty they still look

A bit more genuine

Sharp enough to cut still

Each little piece a still shot

Of those ideals you held so high

If you can pick up the pieces

Put them back together

In some semblance   

You’ll be stronger for all the scars

Chris McQueeney    12/13/14

12/13/14 strange

Cardboard hotel

I awoke this morning ‘

Only to find

I was the only thing

Left behind

Can you imagine that

Leaving me to molder

In this two chicken hovel’

I am worth more than that

Of that I know for sure.

But others have a differing opinion

They would see me in a cardboard hotel

Begging for change just to feed myself

You wonder why homeless do drugs or drink

Well you would too if you were in their situation

Did you know how painful it is to be homeless?

And did you know how hard it is to get out of that situation

And if you are blessed to get out there are a whole set of new problems

You go from a life of destitute to a life of requirement

Do this do that be where we tell you

You spent a life surviving all odds

And they want to treat you as a child

But you need it

There is nothing wrong with being a child

But that is why so few make it

It is hard being homeless take it from one who has been there

It is even harder being homefull

Chris McQueeney    12/2014


Got no internet cept for my phone, and my kids want to play with it...one kid is sick, the other not...makes for a long day

the glue that binds

Try and try and try

What do you do

When things don’t go your way

There is nothing left to do

Nothing left to say

What do you do

When the glue

That binds things together

Fails you

And everything comes unraveled

What do you do

Do you give up

Throw your hands in the air and

Stomp your feet

Or do you try

And try and try

To make things different

No matter that you are broken

The parts must fit together again

Where is the duct tape

It held the bomb together

It can fit your pieces together again

Even if they will be misshapen

Try as you might

You are broken

Things won’t fit tight

Never again

But you gotta try

Gotta try

Right

Chris McQueeney 12 12 14

beauty

The rarity of life

I always imagined living the life of

A soldier son

In the wake of battle

I would return home

To the accolade of my family

Never one to rest on my laurels

I would run an inn or something of the sort

Over pints of beer the fellows and I would extol

The virtues of life when we were coming up

How things were harder but better

And how the world would fall apart

If only they didn’t change the tune on the radio

Life would be grand

I wouldn't talk much about war

Only on the rare occasion

When fully in my cups

Catch me at the right moment

I wouldn’t speak of the glory of war

Only the grimness

And the rarity of life

And the beauty

Chris McQueeney    12/11/14